VGC Top Ten Sexually Awkward Video Game Moments 2

After the last article bearing this very title, I received quite a few messages about a few items that I had missed.  I figured that I could more than easily fill up a second list, especially since the last seemed so popular.  The premise is simple; this is a list of ten more notable sexual situations in a video game that could easily make the player uncomfortable.  For example, the last list contained a bit about the instances where Otacon hit on Solid Snake all those times in the Metal Gear series.  The list is not limited to budding ‘bromances’ as you will soon see.  This time the entries are not ranked and are place in no particular order.      

 

 

Hot tubs are not fun

Cloud was always put in situations where his manhood came under question in the Final Fantasy series.  Personally I believe that to be the reason for his over-compensation in weaponry as seen in the game; I mean does he really need a sword that big?  Anyway, I would like to start the list off from an event that takes place right at the extreme beginning of Final Fantasy 7, while still in Midgar.  At one point in the game cloud not only has to dress in drag in order to sneak into a brothel, but he presumably gets sexually assaulted by a large hairy body builder named Mukki.  This scene either happens while Cloud is unconscious or in a hot tub, both are creepy. To see the scene in question look no further:

    

 

 

Dude Looks like a lady

The creators of the Guilty Gear franchise must love to mess with their fans, especially by making fans question their sexual orientation.  Thus is the exact reason for a character named Bridget in the Guilty Gear franchise.  As evidenced by the picture above, Bridget appears to be a “moe” style cute anime character.  Dressed in the provocative nun costume Bridget is suddenly a creepy sex object.  But Bridget has a surprise, she is a he.  He was born in a village where twins were seen as bad luck, so he was put up for adoption and raised as a little girl for some reason.  After that he was made into a bounty hunter and yadda yadda yadda the game has a weird story.  Publicity photos of Bridget always show him/her as a sex object further making gamers question themselves.     

 

 

 

Turn your head and cough

Hey Metal Gear made the list again!  This series has begun to have a weird fetish with the grabbing of male crotches all of a sudden.  It all began with a scene in Metal Gear Solid 2 where upon meeting Raiden, President Johnson decided to play a bit of “ball hunter” until he was surprised.   He exclaimed, "You're...a man!?", suggesting that he mistook him for a woman due to Raiden's feminine features.  The crotch grabs do not end there, as Naked Snake received one in Metal Gear Solid 3.  Disguised as the Raiden-esque Ivan Raidenovitch Raikov, Snake is assaulted by Colonel Volgin who grabs his meat and potatoes in order to find out if he is Ivan, his gay lover.  There are also jokes using the move in Subsistence and the online game, as well as a full on close quarters move snake can use in Metal Gear Solid 4.    

 

 

Wheelchair sex you say?

Having sat through the incredibly pretentious David Cronenberg film Crash, (from 1996, not the recent one) I have seen my fair share of creepy sex scenes between folks of a handicapped nature.  Nothing against the actual act, but scenes like this are always placed in movies for the sake of perversion.  Now take a Gamecube game from a few years ago called Killer 7.  It made the list last time for its creepy bondage clad ghost helpers, but is here for something a bit grimier this time.   What’s funny is that the sex scene, which is never actually seen – only heard, happens off camera.  But its sheer existence was enough to enrage Jack Thompson, D-bag extraordinaire.  The scene in question revolves around Garcian Smith stumbling upon Harman Smith and Samantha Sitbon engaging in some kind of sexual intercourse.  This is made all that more creepy by the somewhat catatonic state of Harman.  Anyone playing the game probably handled the scene about as well as Garcian did, by being completely silent.

 

 

Anybody know where a leather bar is?       

There really aren’t enough strong gay characters in gaming that don’t resort in some sort of campy stereotype.  Take Ash from Streets of Rage 3 for instance, the guy never stood a chance.  The man, who was a hidden character in the Japanese version, is dressed for success at a leather bar.  He wears tight pants, a golden necklace depicting the female symbol, a leather vest and cap, and black high-heeled leather boots.  He even cries when hit.  You can definitely see why he was cut from the U.S. version.  See what the big deal is:   

 

 

 

Put my crystal where?

 

I think the following video of Ar Tonelico speaks for itself:

Not safe for work possibly…Sometimes video game localizers have all of the fun.

 

 

Proof of Womanhood

I spoke in the last list of the gender ambiguity in the game Super Mario Bros. 2, when Birdo is revealed to be a transvestite in the game booklet.  While Nintendo has tried to hide this little “goof up” for years by making Birdo appear more feminine in games, they went the extra mile in Captain Rainbow.  In the game Birdo has been tossed in jail on Mimin Island for using a women's restroom.  The officer on duty explains that he is obviously a guy, so he won’t let Birdo out.  Birdo asks Captain Rainbow to find proof that she's a female so she can get out of jail, and he does.  What he finds is a creepy pixilated mystery object with a question mark over it vibrating and buzzing under her pillow.  We all know what it is.  

 

 

I want to return to the womb!

House of the Dead Overkill has to have one of the weirdest endings in a game yet.  Basically after Isaac and Agent G fight a balls to the wall battle with a mutant zombie queen, she lay dead with her legs spread open for all to see.  The somewhat creepy Warden Clement Darling, the man who started the whole mess, comes up and announces that for him to atone for his sins, he must “return to the womb”.  Agent G and Isaac, then have to witness an unsettling rendition of reverse birth that cannot be unseen.

 

 

You could say I touch witches…

Sometimes a game premise rolls around, that is so unbelievably perverted that you feel dirty simply reading about it.  Doki Doki Majo Shinpan is just such a game, and albeit not being a hentai (porn) game, it has all of the trimming of one.  The jist of the game is that a middle school kid is asked by an angel to look for witches, to do this he has to look at the female classmates in his school for “witch marks”.  The plot is basically summed up as “creepy guy molests a bunch of girls”.  The game itself not only looks creepy, but was so creepy that is was refused reviews by a few prominent video game reviewers.

 

 

WTF!?

Every once in a while game villains are pretty ill conceived, and this evil little statue dude from Kid Niki 3 takes the cake:

 

I’ll let the picture speak for itself…

 

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